I dropped the kids off at camp. My sneakers hit the pavement in the parking lot when I heard it…Aretha Franklin’s Freedom. It was the last day of freedom summer camp for my kids, so I approached my day with an attitude of carpe diem. The fridge was empty and the laundry was knee-deep, but there was no way […]
I took my kids to swim lessons at an indoor pool at the YMCA. It was hotter than Haiti in there. I sat on some metal bleachers mesmerized by a frosty beverage held by the woman in front of me. It was like a mirage. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fA31p0DdRYE&feature=related] I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Frosty […]
Have you ever wanted to clock someone for ma’amming you? It’s when the person is age 16-24 that it really drives home the fact that I am not 16-24 (physically). Mentally, I am about 22 and assume everyone else thinks I am 22, too. (So, it’s really just ludicrous for someone in college to call […]
When you got that first job at the grocery store or fast food joint, there was some verbiage in your application that said “and other duties as assigned.” Well, Motherhood is just brimming with surprise duties (and doodies). New ones pop up every day. From cleaning vomit to removing a splinter from a child who was screaming like she was at a […]
Intentionally mean people make me twitch. Unintentionally mean people make me twitch, too. I have a neighbor who is due to have her second baby this week. Couple of weeks ago she went to see a doctor who said something unintentionally cruel, “Pack your bag…it’s any day now.” If you are or can remember being […]
I hate to fly. I have to be really motivated to get on a plane. Naturally, a girls weekend in Vegas is a powerful motivator. And I am unemployed, so I had to fly the cheapest way possible. That meant connections. Two flights each way instead of one (ei-yi-yi). Here is my scared-of-flying ritual: – Arrive […]
It’s time for Mommyhood jailbreak — a girls trip to Vegas! Time to pack. Crap, where are all my stylish clothes? Oh, that’s right — I don’t have any! Well, I have plenty of clothes, but unfortunately most of my mompants fall into the category of Chuck E. Cheese-wear. In my head, I still dress the way […]
Today was Mom’s Day Out registration day for the fall session. In order to get your choice of days, you have to get up at an ungodly hour and, you guessed it…take a number at church! Fortunately, though, after you get your number you can leave. Apparently, the first person showed up at 4:15! Seriously, […]
Most women average only about 6 hours of sleep.
If you are not getting enough sleep,can you do something about it? Unless you have a newborn (or insomnia), odds are you can.
There is really no such thing as the perfect mom, just like there’s no such thing as a unicorn. Sure, you can take a horse and put a cone on its head, but it doesn’t make it a unicorn. When it comes to motherhood, there are varying degrees of this charade. Images and stories in […]
- "No you cannot sit on brother's face. No sitting on faces!" -- Ravyn, Ramallah, Palastine
- “Sweetheart, please don't throw yogurt at kitty.” Like saying this would actually STOP her... - Anissa, Chicago, IL
- "Get your fingers out of your nose and START EATING!" -Me, Knoxville, TN
- “We don’t tie up our friends – even if they’re part of the game.” - Jackie, St. Louis, MO
- “Mama, I yawned and sauce came out!” (vomit)
– Sydney (3) Maryville, TN
- My husband has my babies all by himself this week. When I was leaving town today, I asked Walker if he thought they would be ok . He said, "Of course, Mama. You left us food and I have a light saber."
-- Walker (5) Tupelo, MS
- "You are really annoying, and it is NOT opposite day."
-- Bryce (6) to Reed (8) Eagain, MN
- "Mom: Do you think you can be good at school the rest of the week – it’s only two more days…
Son: I’m not sure… “I can’t tell the future and I don’t have a working time machine.”
– Ethan (6) Milwaukee, MI
- My husband: “Charlie, lay down here next to me so we can talk.” Charlie lays down nose-to-nose with him, pinches his nose and says, “I do this so I can’t smell your breath.” -- Charlie (4)
- “Once upon a time, at the healthy Mexican restaurant…” -- Charlie (3)
- “Mommy, you gotta lotta grass in your nose.” -- Molly (2)
- One of the mother’s day out teachers was stroking Charlie’s hair at nap time when he said, “My Daddy, he like it.” -- Charlie (2)
- “My dolly wants some M&Ms for a snack." -- Charlie (2)
- “I would like a snack of mayonnaise.” -- Charlie (3)