Splash Country

The kids are in bed and a millimeter of sunscreen has been scraped from my body, so I can now sit and reflect on our day at Dollywood’s Splash Country.

pooltips Reeeewind to prep time at the house: Money’s tight, so we planned to pack drinks and snacks and sandwiches. Technically, you aren’t allowed to bring your own food, but I was never really one for the rules. Laws yes, rules…not so much.

Unless they are my rules.

I had a busy morning because an article I wrote came out today. So, I was more interested in my computer this morning than doing the prep work I normally would for a day in the sun.

Since I was preoccupied, the preparations for the water park were executed by my husband. And boy did he ever kill it. Three kids + two of everything = what the hell were you thinking?  (In his defense, we do only have two children, but we had a third child with our group. It’s just one of those things we moms do. If there are going to be other kids, we bring enough for all them — we know if we don’t we will be refereeing the fight and rationing the cookies!)

Onward. We had a great time.  We got our tickets online and Splash Country is running a special where you get a free meal for every ticket you buy. We shared our forbidden food and then used the vouchers later in the day. My free meal came with a fountain drink.  I couldn’t let that go to waste, now could I? It’s been 4 months since I have had a coca-cola. (If you want the back story, you can read Bathing Suit Ads: Foreshadowing the Failure of My New Years Resolutions.)  So, how was my little hit of coke? Eh. Not great, but I sucked it down anyway because I was thirsty.  Then I drank a bunch of water to repent.

I am a total weenie wasn’t in the mood to ride many of the attractions, but I did do a few.

And then there were the spouses. My husband and my sister’s husband transformed a la The Wonder Twins. Husbands in the shape of….GIANT CHILDREN. In the form of…TESTOSTERONE DAREDEVILS! My sister and I were thoroughly entertained as we watched them pick their wedgies after conquering the biggest slides.

The real kids had fun, too. I’m more laid back. My favorite part was the lazy river, because it made me think of….


 hot Krispy Kreme Donuts.

Because that’s how my brain works. Have a good day!




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