Are You Strict Enough? How Do You Define Successful Kids?

What kind of mom are you – strict or laid back? How do you define successful kids? I’ve been making a lot of soup stewing on these questions the last week or so after reading all the hype surrounding  Amy Chua’s Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mother. If you aren’t familiar with it, former Yale Law Professor Amy Chua has written a memoir about her experience using a very strict traditional Chinese approach to raise her two successful daughters.  And she believes this parenting style is superior to the more laid back Western approach to parenting.

I must confess I have not yet read the book, but I want to. Particularly after seeing Waiting for Superman.

I know the news articles have taken parts of the book out of context and sensationalized them. Sorry about that, Amy, but I’m going to do it, too.

Some highlights from Ms. Chua’s parenting style:

• No play dates, no sleepovers, and mandatory piano and violin lessons.
• She also threatened to put her then three-year-old daughter out in the cold for being disobedient.
• Additionally, she once rejected a home-made birthday card, demanding a better one.

Chua demanded excellence from her daughters and got it, even if it meant she was sometimes very harsh. While she has some regrets (what mother doesn’t?), she is mostly satisfied with how she raised her girls. Is she wrong to demand excellence? Call me Western, but I think there is a difference in encouraging excellence and demanding it.

So, I’ve been thinking about our parenting style and my motherhood style in particular and what it means to raise a successful child. For me, Harvard is not the goal. That said, I would be over the MOON if one or both of my kids went after and got an Ivy League education. But that’s not how I define success for my children.

Here’s what I want for my kids:

1. I want them to be happy and self-assured;
2. I want them to be resourceful and self-sufficient; and,
3. last but certainly not least, I want them to have integrity and be kind to others.

And for that, Harvard (or Julliard) is not required.

Well, that’s what I think. What do you think? What does raising successful kids mean to you? Are you strict or laid back, and is that working for you?