So, we are at the Chick-fil-A indoor play area this afternoon and another boy (also about three) punches Charlie in the gut pretty hard. Instinctively, Charlie punched him back. Then, not satisfied with his retaliation, he gets closer to the child and proceeds to slap him about the head repeatedly.
I have to tell you, I have never seen my child act this way. Normally, we just get the odd kick or pinch, but the “Ralphie” moment caught me quite by surprise.
Appalled, I hopped up to intervene.
I went in to stop him and check on the other child. I told him not to hit, etc. I told him if someone hits him not to hit back and to come and tell me. My daughter was there to chime in with “Mom, that would make him a tattletale.”
Enough with the good points, Molly!
We have told him not to tattle in other scenarios, so was he just taking care of business the best way he knew how? Obviously, he was a little over the top with the head-slapping (totally laughing as I write that), but was the initial retaliatory punch just him standing up for himself? I want him to stand up for himself.
I can’t believe I just wrote that. In no way do I condone violence.
Even when I told my husband what happened on the phone I found myself wondering about when it’s okay to stand up for yourself and how to explain the judgment call to a three-year-old. You can’t.
So I think I have to tell him – in this instance, to stand up for yourself verbally and don’t hit back. Basically, speak up to the culprit and then tattle to Mommy until you are a little older.
I am all over the place on this one and I know I sent my child some mixed messages. I need to think about it some more so I can talk to him tomorrow. What do you guys think? Any advice?
Okay, I am no expert, just an elementary school counselor of about 6 years. When I am teaching my kids about this stuff at school, I tell them it’s not tattling if someone is in danger of being hurt. Great book I use often with my Kindergarten & 1st grade kiddos – The Tattle Tongue by Julia Cook. It has some simple rules about when to tell/report, when to try to work things out on your own or “mind your own beeswax”. As far as the parenting part of it goes, I’m with you about telling them verbally to back off, especially at this age.
Oop! The title of the book is actually A Bad Case of Tattle Tongue by Julia Cook. She has some other great books as well!
Thanks! I’ll check it out.
You’re such a good mom, H.
We had a long conversation about this last night — E thinks he was right to fight back because he was not the aggressor, but I am a little more ambivalent about the ‘standing up for yourself vs. enacting violent behavior’. Hitting hurts no matter who’s doing it, but I don’t want my kids to be victims.
What about the other boy’s parent(s)? Where were they when this happened and how did they react?
Thanks for saying that, but I certainly don’t have it all figured out.
The other mom was present and cool about it. She said her boys play really rough at home. Her son (the slapee) was the younger of her two boys. Since Charlie’s older sibling is a girl, we don’t have much rough housing at home, so this is all new for me.
And yesterday afternoon, Charlie went up to another child his age and kind of jabbed him in the chest. Oh boy. So we talked about it (in terms of loss-of-sweets, which is the language that resonates most with my little candy bandit) so hopefully he has been set straight. Time will tell.
Ei-yi-yi.