I was invited to a baby shower for a friend and wanted to include funny note about motherhood with the gift. So I wrote a top ten list of things no one tells you when you have a baby. But then I couldn’t stop thinking about all the things I wasn’t telling my friend. So, I decided to write it all down in a book.
As part of the book launch, I have something very special for you. My awesome mom friends will be sharing their motherhood wisdom in a series of posts called What I Wish I’d Known. To kick things off, I am sharing 10 things no one tells you when you have a baby from the book.
Ten Things No One Told Me Before I Had a Baby
By Heather Alexander
Excerpt from Secrets of The Mommyhood
1. You can never have enough pacifiers. Put more than one in each car, in your purse, etc. Somehow you never have one when you need it. And at some point, you will find the nearest grocery store and in desperation give your child one that hasn’t been sterilized. This brings me to #2:
2. Don’t judge other parents; it may be you one day. I remember having opinions about some harried mother with her ketchup-smothered child and thinking I would never be out and about with a ragamuffin. Been there. Same goes for a frustrated parent at the store who says something to their child that you find appalling. Been there, too.
3. You will obsess about your newborn’s pee and poop. You and your husband will have entire conversations about its smell, consistency and regularity (or lack thereof) like it’s the weather.
4. Projectile vomit and explosive poop is rare but real. If you leave the house without a change of clothes for your baby, you are actually throwing down a poop gauntlet.
5. The surest way to make your child pee, poop or spit up is to give them a bath.
Get the book.
6. The second surest way to make your child pee, poop or spit up is to take them to a photography session. I recommend a decoy outfit.
7. Newborn babies chortle and make many different noises when they sleep. It’s really hard for you to fall asleep when they are making those noises. Then when things are too quiet, you also can’t sleep. Your new mommy eyes become catlike and you can almost see in the dark as you check to make sure your baby’s chest is going up and down.
8. Total strangers will touch your baby’s face and worse – their hands. Those hands go right in the mouth. You also will look at other people’s kids and see microscopic germs swirling around them like an aura. In crowded spaces, I recommend putting a blanket over the carrier or closing it up so people won’t be tempted to touch your baby.
9. Passing around a baby that has just been fed is like shaking up a can of soda and then opening it. Most new parents learn this lesson the hard way.
10. When you are pregnant and hands-free, everyone will hold the door open for you. When you are pushing a stroller and could really use some help with the door, it won’t occur to anyone (except another mom) to help you.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who could “see” swarms of germs circling around anyone near my baby. I always felt like I was being paranoid, but I’d rather that than have a sick baby!
Agree. And I think having a newborn is the introduction to germaphobia for a lot of people. It was for me, anyway.
Thanks for your comment, Tami!
Heather