Let Go of the Mommy Guilt!
By Amy Tate
I experienced the pinnacle of “mommy guilt” when my first born was 12 weeks old and I flew off to Washington, D.C., loaded down with a breast pump under one arm and “What To Expect During the First Year” under the other. The trip was unbearable to say the least. Between an inquisition from a geezer doing airport security who’d never heard of a breast pump and trying to keep the resulting milk cold for 48 hours, I was a wreck when I landed back home. “But this is what moms do,” I thought. “They figure it out, make it all work and look super cute while doing it all!”
Wrong. My internal mom script was not doing me any favors.
What is your internal mom script like? Are you beating yourself up for things you didn’t do or could have done better? Or are you giving yourself some credit for the things you are getting right? Look at your kids – I bet you are getting a lot right. I guarantee your kids won’t remember that you stayed up until midnight slaving over homemade gluten-free cupcakes or learned how to smock (yes, I know) so not only would they have smocked clothes but HANDMADE smocked clothes. They will remember laughing at your corny jokes on the ride to school or those impromptu movie nights in the den.
Some tips to let go of the mommy guilt:
1. Figure out if the guilty feeling is wrapped in truth or if it’s just unrealistic expectations.
Are you feeling the guilt because there is some truth to what you are telling yourself? Or are those expectations too high for the situation? Most of the time for me, it’s the latter.
2. Stop Comparing!
My grandmother always told me, “You never know what’s cooking in someone else’s pot,” and it’s true! People come from different walks of life and have different levels of support. Further, whatever you see that’s making you jealous isn’t nearly as neat and clean as you imagine. Focus on what’s under your roof and what you can control.
3. Listen to your mom friends talk, and help them change their script.
If you are one of the lucky ones who has figured this out, it is your duty to guide other young mothers. Help them stop the negative talk. Focus on the positive. I certainly don’t have this all figured out, but the guilt is waning. I look at my kids and see they are smart and find they adapt to any situation I throw at them. In time, it all comes together. Things get simpler, schedules get easier and, for me, at least, there’s a red-faced TSA agent in Memphis who hasn’t asked me another single question in nine years and counting.
Are you hanging on to Mommy guilt?
Amy Tate manages government relations for TVA in Mississippi, wrangles a 5-year-old son, mentors a 9-year-old daughter and attends a marriage of 12 years and counting with their daddy while keeping sanity afloat with sweet, sweet wine. I met Amy through my husband and she’s smart and funny and gorgeous. She’s also a mom with her head on straight (obviously) and I am proud to call her my friend. You rock, Amy Tate! Thanks for sharing your wisdom with The Mommyhood!
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