Excuse me, Heather?Are you talking about Republicans? No, I am talking about a pair of underpants, but I will get to those in a minute.
My Blasphemous Eyes
First, I must tell you about my blasphemous eyes. I have been having eye problems on and off for a couple of weeks. And since taking care of myself is pretty low on the to-do list, I finally got around to going to an ophthalmologist. I couldn’t remember what he said my ailment was called, so I went home and Googled “blasphemous eye infection” and eventually found it. It’s called Blepharitis, and it’s a non-contagious inflammation of the eyelids. Pretty.
And so what do I need to do? Get some eye drops and wash my eyes out with soap. Seriously, I was told the thing that will help me most was washing my eyelashes and lids with baby shampoo. Feels like punishment.
And I can’t wear contacts for a few days. Ugh! That stinks because I am about to run that 5K and I don’t really want to run
at all in glasses.
I needed to train, so I just had to suck it up and go anyway.
Water Bottle or Netti pot?
I realized on the way from the eye doctor to the gym that I forgot my water. Rather than go all the way home, I stopped at McDonalds to get a bottled water. When I got to the gym I looked for the closest parking spot. I don’t know why I do it, It makes no sense.
Headphones…music…run! My goal was 30 minutes without stopping. I was grateful to have water, but quickly realized drinking from a water bottle while running requires more coordination than I possess. I dumped large plops of water on the treadmill and got a bunch up my nose while trying to drink and run. Apparently it was funny to the guy next to me, but I was not amused.
Creeper Story Time
Okay, so there I am at the gym (in my glasses) when I realize what I have done. I am running on a treadmill and wearing the right side creepers. What are those? Well, let me just tell you that they are the worst pair of panties in the drawer.The right side won’t stay in place. They are defective, and every time I realize I am wearing them I vow to throw them away whenever I take them off so this won’t happen again. But you know, I never actually remembered to do that. And thanks to divine intervention by the panty Gods I have never been unlucky enough to sport the creepers at the ole YMC of A. Until today.#$%#$%@!!!!
Thump, thump, thump, thump…I run, realizing I am going to have to deal with the creepage. A quick glance over my shoulder has me cursing the YMCA people who decided to put the treadmills in front and have all the other machines looking right at them. Whoever you are, thanks a lot.
I needed a diversion. Eying my keys, I thought about throwing something at the wall over to the side as a distraction, but I was pretty sure that would’ve just made everyone look at me.
Then, as I stared out the window in front of me praying for help, the best thing happened. An ambulance pulled into the parking lot of the Y! My moment, my moment, my wedgie-picking moment had arrived! I know, like I should be so joyful when someone might be hurt, but it turned out to be nothing (nothing but a gift from the Wedgie Gods!).
And, yes, I threw them away. Future problems averted.
Death to the Right-Side Creepers!