Old Friends, New Friends & Surface Friends

christmas_tide It’s really hard to make good friends when you are a mom, would you agree? Unless your kids have things they do that bring you together on a regular basis, everyone’s schedules make it really hard to see your friends.

Winter weather doesn’t help.

The people I talk to the most are the friends I had before I had kids (and sometimes my sisters). There’s glue in the form of carefree childhood and/or crazy bonding experiences from single days that is hard to duplicate with friends you make post-kids.

Those pre-kid friendships are easy, low-maintenance. And that works for everyone. I am so thankful for those folks, but most of them aren’t here, and I am feeling the void.

I was emailing with my childhood BFF recently and we were talking about not having anyone close by with whom we could really talk and how many surface-level friends we have.

It got me thinking. Motherhood sure has led me to a lot of acquaintances.

Don’t get me wrong, I have some terrific buddies here and I am SO grateful for them, but I don’t really have that one pal here that is my person, if you know what I mean – the Laverne to my Shirley.

What’s ironic is I don’t really even have that much time to spend with that person if I had one – which is, of course, the catch 22.  How could I ever manage to form that kind of bond with someone with such limited opportunities for glue.

And there you have it. Does this resonate with anyone? How do you connect with your girlfriends in the face of busy schedules?

8 Responses to Old Friends, New Friends & Surface Friends

  1. Jennifer Johnsey March 4, 2013 at 1:45 pm #

    I know exactly what you mean. You have the “before” friends and the “after” friends. And it’s hard for friends without kids to relate to you and hard for you to relate to them. It takes effort to keep the strong friendships alive and little effort to let the “surface friends” sink. And I also agree, it can be very lonely sometimes. But fortunately, it seems like the “after” friends at least get it.

    • Heather March 4, 2013 at 9:25 pm #

      That’s true. You need mom friends. Who else would listen to your poop story as you share a bowl of bean dip? I’m lucky to have some great people in my life. Just hard to see them is all. Even if I had the time, some of my best friends are really spread out. Wish they were all nearby.

  2. Penni March 4, 2013 at 8:44 pm #

    I feel ya! The good thing is, when you do find someone you just click with, it doesn’t matter how much time you get together, you’re always able to just pick up where you left off. Unfortunately, those friends are hard to find. Our area seems to be filled with lots of score keeping, competitive mother’s who like to disguise themselves as real friends until they have you won over and then BAM, their bitchiness shines through.

    • Heather March 4, 2013 at 9:18 pm #

      Easy friendships are the best. Finding someone you click with is tricky, especially when kids are involved. It’s a lot easier if your whole family is compatible with theirs.

      As for the competitive stuff – it’s hard for me to be friends with people who aren’t interested in anything but their kids. Maybe that’s why they are competitive. They don’t have anything else to talk about. I need my friends to be real people (preferably self-deprecating and funny).

  3. Missy March 4, 2013 at 8:52 pm #

    <3 yep!
    I agree w/you, Penni…a lot of moms here are like that too, super competitive….it makes me weary of people's 'motives'. It's unfortunate.
    It's also hard as a mom, when you finally do find someone you click with….life gets in the way and when I get a chance to go out sometimes, I'm just too tired, lol.

    • Heather March 4, 2013 at 9:22 pm #

      I am tired lately, too. I really think the weather is part of it. That might be why I am feeling the void. We’ve been cooped up indoors and aren’t really out interacting with people. I think some nice weather is coming this weekend. Hope you get a break in the weather, too, Missy.

      Wish you could come over.

  4. Penni March 7, 2013 at 8:25 pm #

    We need to just plan a girl’s night out…a meeting of blog peeps!

    • Heather March 8, 2013 at 7:30 pm #

      Yeah. We do.

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