Square Boobs: My First Mammogram

I didn’t know I was even old enough to need a mammogram! (That’s something my mother does). Well, I’m old enough.

At 35 they take a baseline. A baseline. That sounds like it’s all gonna go to pot from here. The technician said they change over time. I know they are supposed to sag, but hadn’t really thought about them deteriorating from the inside. Thoughts of the Dorothy throwing water on Wicked Witch of the West came to mind as I imagined my chest melting, melting…oh what a world, what a world…

(I totally read the Wizard of Oz book to my kids last night before bed).

Ok, back to my knockers. It was actually less traumatic than I expected.  The technician was really nice. Glad she’d had her coffee. I wouldn’t want to get a cranky technician taking her frustration out on my boobages.

If you have never had one, here’s how it goes:

You wear the gown open to the front (and you wear your pants). Then you stand in front of a machine with a boob shelf (technical term) that raises and lowers to the height of your ta tas. You take one arm out of the hospital gown and then the lady positions your arm and body before grabbing your boob and putting it on the boob shelf. Then a clear top shelf comes down to squish it, while the technician goes over to the computer to push a button. Then your boob is free for a minute. Next, they rotate the machine to a 45 degree angle. This was more awkward. It hurt a little more that the other one.  Iwas grateful I don’t have armpit fat as it would have totally been in the way. Squish! Then they do the other side. Squish. And then you’re done.

I asked to see the pictures and saw that there was some spots in both. She said it was likely just dense tissue.

Then we started talking about breast cancer. Highlights of our conversation are as follows:

• There is a breast cancer gene (I had read about that before). Testing for it is crazy expensive. If you do the test and have it, you are then forced to decide whether you want to wait for cancer or cut off your boobies. That’s what Christina Applegate did — saw her on Oprah. Also, if you test and have the gene, your insurance company may punish you with dropped coverage or increased premiums. Lovely.
• Men can carry the breast cancer gene and pass it to daughters. (I thought that was pretty interesting).
• Most women who have breast cancer have no family history of it.
• Strong history is having a mom or sister with breast cancer. It’s considered weaker if it was a grandparent (which is my situation).

Since I am no expert, more breast facts are available from the Susan G. Komen folks.

So, what can I do?? Eat better. Here are some Cancer fighting foods.

I think I’munna thank my lucky stars everything was okay this time and go eat some broccoli.

Have you had square boobs?