Well, at this point the cat’s out of the bag. I’m a spaz. Not that you need more proof, but I am going to give it to you anyway. Because it makes me laugh. At myself. Sadly, the funniest things I do are when I am trying to be funny or cool. But the failure therein is what’s truly funny.
Here’s the latest…
Last night was girls night out – TJMaxx and Mexican food (plus the all-important truth serum known as margaritas). We meet at TJMaxx, because
- one - we like to shop there; and,
- two – we’re moms and sometimes it’s hard to get out of the house on time. This way, everyone is entertained as we gather and no one is at the restaurant waiting for everyone else, enduring evil stares from hungry patrons who want their table.
So, we’re there, and we’re shopping. Rachel told me she was heading for the boots. After a few minutes, I wandered over to the shoe section to see if she found anything good. I saw her from behind sitting on one of those stools at the end of the aisle trying on a pair of boots. The leather from the boots was squeaky and it was making these fart noises. Now, you know I can’t let that go without some commentary. So I crept up behind her, mustered a tone of absolute abhorrence and said, “That’s disGUSting. Excuse, you!”
Wasn’t her. Yeap. Yes, indeedy. Not her. I turned three sheets of red trying to explain my fart comment. She gave me a deadpan look. Awkward….
Time for a hasty exit.
After I recovered from embarrassing myself, I did manage to pick up some super cute Cole Haan sunglasses I absolutely love and yet another Mr. Roger’s sweater ($15 on clearance. Woot!). Yes it’s gray and has a big collar.And yes I walked around the store with it despite the fact it was nearly identical to the one I was wearing. Well, I know what I like, and I like what I like. My friends told me to put it down, but I bought it ANYWAY and I’m not sorry about it.
Do you guys do that? Not the fart part, but buy the same kinds of clothes over and over? It is it’s own kind of madness, isn’t it?
Well that brings me to my next story…
Way to go girl! Reminds me of the time my dad came up behind my mom in the grocery store and pinched her on the butt. Only, it wasn’t my mom. As my dad fell over himself apologizing, the lady stopped him and said it had been the thrill of her day!
And after I covered myself in soy sauce during my sushi lunch today, I stopped in to my TJ Maxx and bought a purple, short-sleeved, cashmere sweater, which is only slightly different from the other purple, short-sleeved, cashmere sweater I got there a few months ago! Hey, I know what I like! And I like to not smell like soy sauce!
Okay, the butt-pinching is very funny.
Ha! Can’t wait for installment two… my husband and I were at a bar once for a friend’s birthday. He went to get us drinks while I headed for the bathroom. When I returned, he grabbed my arms and looked me full in the face and said, “Okay, it’s you. Good.” Apparently he’d seen a short, brown-haired woman that he *thought* was me, and had hugged her and kissed the top of her head. She proceeded to tell him to f*** off.
As I am usually the one embarrassing myself, I love to tell this story.
Good stuff! It’s much more fun to tell when it’s not you.
I can’t stop laughing. I love the replies too. I can only imagine how someone’s husband would feel after kissing another woman – and then to be told to #$@% off.
I just read this to my mom and she’s busting out laughing too.
Great post and great comments!