‘Scuse Me, Doc? What? What Did You Say?

No I was not at the EAR doctor, I was at the EYE doctor…in disbelief! “Here, I’ll write it down for you,” he said.

“You would benefit from +1 readers,” he said kindly.

“Scuse me, Doc? What? What did you say?” I muttered, but what I was thinking was Plus one? PLUS ONE?!?! Plus one is supposed to mean bring a date, not the grim reaper is here with your READERS! Wahhhhhhh! (Internal wailing ensues.)

Okay, I should give you some back story.

My tech-savvy three-year-old (of generation DROID) was playing with my phone and took some pictures of me. I found them later and looked through them. Pictures you haven’t posed for are the worst kind. There it was. My butt. And then it hit me. I have somebody’s-mom butt. I mean, it’s true. I am somebody’s mom, but I guess I didn’t realize I had the butt to go with it.

Also, I have been noticing the start of wrinkles on my face. This is the point where I wish I could travel back in time and thump myself on the forehead and shove a bottle of sunscreen in my tan little hand at the pool. Same thing with my nighttime ritual. “Lotion, lotion, lotion!” then a whack on the back of my head just for effect.

And…now, I am sorry if this part proves to be an awakening for any of my dear friends, but on Facebook when you look at pictures of people you went to school with and they look like random middle aged grown ups – well, that’s you, too.

Listen, I am 36 and there’s nothing wrong with being 36 (unless you think you are 22). And even though I kept celebrating birthdays, mentally I thought I was 22 and now I have proof – in the form of almost wrinkles, middle-aged high school friends, somebody’s-mom butt and now…I need readers! This is something I definitely need to process.

So, pardon my rant. Is anyone else feeling this in some form or another?

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4 Responses to ‘Scuse Me, Doc? What? What Did You Say?

  1. Robin in NC April 11, 2011 at 1:23 am #

    Don’t worry, it happens a lot. You’re in contacts, right? Did you ask about monovision contacts? +1.00 might be too weak to have multifocal cl’s so that might work for you, and then you could ditch the readers. Besides, that’s the lowest add (I know I’m using the B word here, but, add=Bifocal) power there is, and I wonder if you could get away without them! And you aren’t over corrected for distance in your contacts are you? Might want to just recheck it since you are only 30-something! Take it easy on yourself…

    • Heather April 11, 2011 at 9:16 pm #

      Hi Robin! Hope you are well. You are sounding quite informed. Are you an eye doctor? I think the readers are to cut the power of my contacts since I am near-sighted. The B word. That’s funny. I guess I was a little overly dramatic about it, but all of a sudden these little age indicators were starting to pop up other places and so the word readers made everything else the doctor said sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher (a trumpet). Wah wah wah, wah wah wah wah.

      He just thought since I am on the computer so much and my contacts are strong so I can see far that the readers might help me.

      Clearly my mind works in dramatic associations because I could totally see the grim reaper snickering in the corner when he brought it up. Ei-yi-yi.

      Thanks for your comment and for reading TheMommyhood. I totally appreciate you.

  2. Shannon April 11, 2011 at 11:53 am #

    You may feel down about the glasses but you have a great life. A nice husband, the cutest kids ever to take un-posed pictures of you and you live near your family. (No need to worry about the glasses as you are naturally a very attractive person with a beautiful face and great hair!)

    • Heather April 11, 2011 at 9:07 pm #

      Hey! Thank you for the sweet comments. I was just being dramatic, I’m not really down about it. Lately I am getting external signals that have me thinking about my age. And there’s nothing wrong with my age, I just hadn’t really thought about it much until lately.

      Also, I am a pretty low-maintenance kind of gal. I don’t spend too much time on my appearance or clothes and my reaction to all this made me realize I have a little more vanity than I realized.

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