How do I look? I asked Charlie (5) before heading out to meet some friends for dinner.
“You look original, Mom.” he said with approval.
Hmm, I thought. I guess that’s better than extra crispy.
Hey, wouldn’t it be funny to say that to clients at a tanning salon? “Hi there. Original, or extra crispy?…Bed #2, please.”
Okay, back to the story.
I’ve been eating lots of salad lately because my reunion is coming up I want to be healthy. A couple weeks in and I was FINALLY starting to see some progress.
My problem is that’s when I see progress; I think I deserve a reward. And by reward, I mean cupcake. Tip: A good alternative to cupcakes is frozen yogurt.
So, I managed to resist the cupcake store and even stopped at Krispy Kreme to take a picture of a donut without buying anything. (I left my wallet in the car to ensure I wouldn’t cave.) But I was totally snorting the sweet air in there hoping for miraculous consumption. This sad statement is how I know I will always be just a little bit pudgy.
At Girl’s Night, I had pasta (and not just a little) and some red wine sangria. And it was SO good and I was SO happy until I got home and beheld my distended stomach.
It is amazing (and really unfair!) how quickly you can undo your weight-loss progress. I decided I’d better go to spin class the next day. I had plenty of time to think about that, too, since the sangria gave me insomnia and I got up at 2:00 am and couldn’t go back to sleep.
I dragged myself to class, yawning a lot, and, if I am being honest, slouching. I shuffled in there and got a text from my friend Mandi who said she would be almost late and to save her a bike.
Adventures in Bike-Saving
The doors were closed, and we were about to start when I saw Mandi’s blonde head peak through the glass in the door to the spin room. I waved her to come in and pointed to the bike next to me. She opened the door and it was NOT her. It was some random lady and there were only two bikes left. I decided on the only obvious course of action – try to look a little bit crazy and hope she would pick the farthest bike away from me. It worked. (The things you do for friends. You’re welcome, Mandi.)
I knew I would need to pace myself to last the full hour without falling off of the bike. As fate would have it, this perfect woman took the bike in front of me. She was in my path so I had no choice but to look at her for the better part of an hour. I don’t know what country she is from, but she looks like a Barbie from there.
In class, I told my friend Mandi that when I look at “Barbie’s” leg it makes me want to cry and peddle faster.
Keep in mind I was deliriously tired. I guess that explains the hallucinations.
We were listening to The Beach Boys when I conjured up Don Draper and Pete Campbell from Mad Men, which is a TV show set in the 1960s. (I just started the series and am watching the shows back to back on Netflix, so it’s my current TV obsession. I HIGHLY recommend it.)
Not that either of those characters float my boat, but in my hallucination, both imaginary men only had eyes for exotic Barbie. Damn them. Not sure why I thought they would take notice of the mouth-breather on the bike in the corner, but there you have it.
They disappeared, and I was left with my thoughts. At least I’ve got one thing going for me - I am original.
Can you relate to any of this? Do you watch Mad Men?