So, I have been looking for the humor in the busted ankle of this past week. (If you need the back story, read You Know You are Having a Bad Week When You Borrow Your Dad’s Walker). Here are some things I learned about being injured and on crutches:
- It rains a lot when you are on crutches. (Just like your kids never get in their seats so you can buckle them when it’s raining).
- An ace bandage is like a bulls-eye to your kids.
- Other people look at YOU when your child has a nasty forehead wound. The crutches helped in this instance. I’m pretty sure it made me look less guilty of child abuse. Last week, I hopped (literally) into the grocery store to go to the customer service counter. My son, the bloody cyclops (bless his heart), was with me. While I was at the counter, he was playing with the movable railing and took the whole thing down with a raucous. All eyes in the check-out lanes were on us as he screamed bloody murder. I’m sure his existing wound looked like a new one. All I could do was gimp over to comfort him. Then I limped out holding him, grunting every other step from his added weight on my purple foot.
- Your kids show no mercy when you are injured. Mine took a chair over to the pantry to get to the good stuff. Apparently, it’s a free-for-all when mom’s down.
- Kids like to play with crutches, and the crutches are inevitably out of reach afterwards. (And a walker is like a mini-jungle gym).
- You can use a crutch to reach the light switch, the remote and that spider web you haven’t done anything about.
- Crutches strain all kinds of weird little muscle groups you don’t know you have.
- Using a motorized cart at Lowes, I learned I can re-enact the first ten seconds of one of my favorite commercials.
- If you wait until the last-minute to pee when you are on crutches, you are seeking incontinence. And, last, but not least…
- Wine and crutches are not a good combination.